Everything changed when I set myself down on a cold hard floor in the darkness and refused to come out. Convinced of insidious, wormy lies that were crawling up my back and snaking their way into any brokenness they could find.
It's not the darkness that changed me.
It was Jesus, who knelt down beside me, made Himself comfortable, and stayed.
Like a friend?
Yeah....like your very best friend.
I can sing about it with fervor, read the words in fancy print and even make marker posters to announce it.
What a Friend We Have in Jesus....
But until He came for me with those snaking lies crawling all over me and sat down in the grotesque mess I was in, they were only just empty words.
But the empty cross handed me one loyal, loving Savior.
And that Savior moved in beside me on the floor and rescued me.
Does Jesus sit on dirty bathroom floors?
Yeah.....He really does.
And because He sat there, I was changed inside and right side out.
I am not alone. Ever.
You know what that kind of truth does to the heart of the little girl inside me?
It brings her up off the floor, reaching with every bit of tallness she can muster to a kind of friend she never believed was FOR her.
She grasps the sides of His shoulders, buries her face in His mane and all at once falls in love and falls asleep.
And the way that truth gripped me from one end to the other, the truth that I am never alone and Jesus stays, it makes even the colors in this world look different. Brighter.
The rustling wind from the woods smells sweeter.
That truth is locked and loaded now.
Because of trauma I've had to learn new ways to replace my survival tricks and tactics.
It took an EXPERIENCE to rattle the lies off and cement the hand print of my heart into the truth that I will not ever sit alone in the dark or dance across the kitchen floor without Someone delighting in me.
I am Held.