Some Small Way

My effort to raise 10x30 dollars to build tables and benches and to outfit the kids sleeping areas with new bedding turned into 10x80 dollars because of your generosity!

That's right.

You guys chipped in a total of 800 dollars for 43 children who are going to benefit greatly from your open hand towards them.



And believe me, they will know who you are.
Maybe not by name, but I am going to make sure these kids know that they have a whole family of friends who care about their future and that they are not invisible or forgotten. I expect to see some shy smiles while others may climb onto my shoulders or swing from the rafters. I know for sure that they will feel loved.

As I shop and organize and pack and plan for my flight to Uganda next Thursday, I am finding that I am already homesick. I can't shake the dread on just how alone I am going to be for this journey. I imagine this will be the fastest I will ever make new friends once I land in Entebbe and make my way over to the orphanage. I'm kind of a slow joiner to new groups and like to hang back on the fringes to scope out my options. I think Uganda is going to finally push that quirk of mine right off the map.

There will be no one to hide behind. Nobody to push ahead of me to "go first". And no talkative, outgoing team members to make all of the small talk. 43 sets of eyes will all be on me.
 I am hoping, praying and pleading that they see Jesus in some small way. I really want them to know that He is for them. That they never go a day without being watched and loved and interceded for by Him.

You are part of this journey because of your efforts to bless these children with your love and gifts and prayers. So maybe I am really not that alone after all. I'll pretend that you guys are there with me, hanging back to let me be the talkative, outgoing one. I think that will help. And who knows? Maybe I will come home with far more gifts than we are giving to them. I'll keep you posted.

Live LIke Drew

   Today I simply want to honor the life of twelve year old  Drew Goodman, who went to be with Jesus last week after a long and courageous battle with brain cancer. Ultimately, Drew won that battle, because there is no victory for death when you belong to Christ. There is only a change in residence. An epic upgrade to a life of wholeness, joy and intimate fellowship with God. Drew is home.

   Caleb and Drew were friends through their common bond of a cancer diagnosis. I imagine they never would have crossed paths without it. Nor would they have likely been friends without Special Love, an incredible organization founded thirty years ago to enrich and support the lives of children and their families who battle the beast. Through Special Love, our family has made some lasting friendships and a boatload of unique memories. Two gifts that will never be tagged for the yearly yard sale or rendered useless through overuse, rust or decay. We are blessed.

Caleb, Drew and Ale October 2010

Drew was one of those kids who stood out from day one. He was so incredibly friendly and endlessly generous with hugs and genuine, little boy affection. He surprised me. Most kids have reservations when it comes to strangers...and even friends. I don't think Drew ever met a stranger in his lifetime and friends were practically family.                                                        

 

I will never forget the last morning of the last weekend we spent with Drew and his family at a Special Love event. I was up early. The first one to make my way up the rain slicked steps and onto the camp porch where the coffee was set out     for desperadoes like me. I was alone for a good while, which is never a problem for someone who enjoys solitude. I like to get coffee in the mornings at camp for the perfect quietness and beauty of a rising dawn, but  also for the opportunity to meet someone new and make a new friend. I am not a total recluse.

That morning, Drew and his dad made their way to the porch, and after Dad poured, assembled and stirred his cup of coffee, he told Drew he was headed back to their room. Drew asked if he could stay.

I was sitting at one of the picnic tables and Drew shuffled over and sat down next to me. With Drew, there was no such thing as personal space. So when I say "next to me", you have to picture no empty air pockets of wasted space.

 He began with a bit of small talk...about 30 seconds worth, and then he started telling me details about his battle with cancer. I hadn't asked any questions. That was just Drew. No need to be concerned about making anyone uncomfortable......or wondering if they even want to hear what you have to say......or worried about taking up someone's time. He wrapped me up in a snuggly hug before he left me sitting there with my cold cup of coffee.

I realized immediately that I had been gifted with something not quite tangible. An intimate, almost holy moment, with a boy who seemed to live without reserve. Someone as close to being who God created them to be as I have ever known. The kind of person I have always wanted to be.                         

And something shifted for me after that morning. I didn't start living like Drew overnight. I am, after all, a slow learner. But I began to notice just how much of life I miss out on by playing it safe. Avoiding risks. Keeping to myself so as to preserve whatever I have craftily salvaged from some of life's painful experiences.  "Live like Drew" became a subtle yet constant refrain in the back row of my every day thoughts.

It was shortly after this encounter with Drew that I began to step out into the dreams God had set in my heart as a child. I had carried those dreams around for over thirty years, always imagining what it would be like to live them out in real time. Never believing they were ever really meant for me to claim.

But claim them, I did. And the dreams are still unfolding. Once I took that first harrowing step off the edge, the open doors and opportunities just kept falling at my feet.

 To live like Drew means that I will throw off my well rooted fears and just be who God intended for me to be all along.

 It's really, amazingly quite simple. But I am not sure I would have found my way without Drew to take the lead.

He left far more behind than just my own personal encounter with him. I am only one person amongst hundreds and hundreds of Drew's friends. I did not know him as well as most did. But he left his hand print on my heart and I will always be on the lookout for ways to honor his life and to LIVE LIKE DREW.

  

  

My Mistake

For those of you still in the dark....

Caleb had the cystoscopy (scoping of the bladder) done almost a week and a half ago to see if they could find a reason for the blood in his urine.

And what they saw was an irritated bladder, most likely a result of the (hateful but necessary) radiation he received in 2008. They did not see anything that needed biopsied, and this was very good news.

What leaves me hanging is the question of whether or not I asked all of the right questions and whether I can be satisfied with the answers I've been given. You know I did that when Caleb was four years old and he was peeing blood. The doctor said it was a "virus" and that there was no need to pursue any other cause. He was confident. He had been Caleb's pediatrician since birth. I remember he waltzed into my room at the hospital, strode over to baby Caleb who was bundled up in the bassinet and asked me how "she" was doing. Maybe that should have been my first clue.....

I took his word for it in 2008. That the toilet bowl full of blood was caused by a seldom seen virus. The fever and elevated blood pressure were no cause for alarm. I was relieved.  And that was my mistake.

Four months later Caleb was diagnosed with stage three kidney cancer.

So here I am again in the same situation.

This time Caleb's insides have been scrutinized. An ultrasound, CT, urinalysis,  blood work, scope of the  bladder....did we miss anything? One more question I should have asked? And was the urologist having a good day when he threaded that line into Caleb's bladder and peered at the screen? Was he in a rush? (He was two hours behind schedule when he took Caleb back to the operating room).

With an enemy like cancer, more time means more power. You can't wait around and hope that it goes away.

I also cannot live life seeing cancer behind every cough, moan and complaint that Caleb presents to me.

This is asking a lot, you do realize. I need to be alert. I am the only neurotic mother he's got. 

When they brought Caleb into recovery after the scoping procedure, the nurse assigned to monitor his vitals stood beside me as I waited for him to wake up. She was silent for a few minutes and then she asked me, in a quiet almost reverent voice, "How did you find the cancer when he was four? What clued you in that something was wrong?"

People ask me this all the time. And I always have to tell them that I missed it.

Completely.

I made a huge mistake in not asking more questions. And it could have very well cost Caleb his life.

So yes, the conclusion from all of the combined investigations concerning Caleb's bloody pee (I love saying that...makes me feel like I am an angry British person) is that everything looks fine(ish) and that for now we will just keep an eye on things (for the rest of his life).

Our lives are back to normal now......which is the new normal that took root after our original normal was  replaced by a way of living that will never be quite normal. We are used to it now and can hardly remember how normal of a family we used to be.

Kissing My Comforts Goodbye

NEWS FLASH....I'M HEADED BACK TO AFRICA IN SIX WEEKS!

 I know, I know, I just got home from Kenya a few months ago. And you all know what a dream come true that journey was for me. SO many people were sure that I would return home from Africa and just ache to go back, never again content to live life as an ordinary, apron swinging, housewife from the mountains of Maryland.

 And that just didn't happen.

 I enjoy central air, traffic laws that are generally obeyed, identifiable meat on my plate and water that doesn't taste like bug spray. I like predictable routines, letting the water run while I brush my teeth and bubble baths every other day. And oddly enough, I have a new affection for my commode. Gleaming white. Sturdy. Dependable. Secured behind a carefully locked door. Adorned with a spray of silk flowers and a lovely, avocado green seat cover.

I had hopes and plans to make another trip over there in a few years, yes I did. Plenty of time to regroup, save up my dollars and see where God might lead me next. I like my plans. And I like my plans even more when life cooperates with them.

But an opportunity and more accurately a NEED has come up that requires me to book another 22 hour flight to the land of unlocked, hole-in-the-ground toilets. The sweet part of the deal comes when I understand that I will be spending ten days with 43 needy children living together in a home in the Kewempe District of Uganda.

THIS makes me SMILE!

And shake my head with wonder.......

Forget the absence of the comforts of home.....and look forward to spending my days with the children I dance with in my dreams!

The black and white details look like this: I am taking two weeks to travel to an orphanage that our church supports to size up the possibility of starting a sponsorship program. We have worked with this group for over a year and a half and it is simply time to physically assess the needs, weed out potential problems and play hide and seek with those kids!

Now picture me in a photograph with all of the kids in this orphanage, and all of the volunteers who work with them, as well as the numerous, hard working and generous members of our church who have given so much to carry this little band of orphans along the way. In the picture you will find me in the very back row, obscured by dozens of heads and blotted out by a shaft of sunlight. That is the image of my contribution thus far for this mission. I have done the least, so please do not set me up for some kind of award for laying my life down for Uganda.

But I AM willing to go and do what I can to teach and train for the potential sponsorship opportunity, and I am honored to have the gift of time with some of God's most loved boys and girls of Africa. I'm a combination of sleepless excitement and gut twisting dread. I really do not have any idea of what to expect. I will be alone, unless you count the 43 kids who will no doubt be fascinated with my white skin and fly-away hair.And I will probably be very homesick by day three.

This mission is completely separate from my work with Compassion International, but I DO have a twelve year old boy in Uganda who is one of my Compassion sponsored children. His name is Alex and he has three sisters and one older brother who he names as being his best friend. He loves to play soccer and hopes to do well in school and become an engineer someday. In one of his letters to me, he expressed that if he could travel anywhere in the world, it would be to the capital city of his country; Kampala. The orphanage is located just outside the city limits.

As his sponsor, I have the opportunity to request a visit with Alex while I am there. He will be so close....and yet so far! His village is located at least eight hours from where I will be, and while it CAN be arranged, the cost of his journey may prove to be well over my ability to cover, especially on such short notice. So if you would like to help make Alex's Dream come true, I have added a chip in button to the right where you can donate to this fund. Any money raised above and beyond the cost of his trip will go entirely to the basic needs of the orphanage. I would love to set  them up with a good supply of educational books and tools for learning!

Several friends have indicated that they would love to be a part in bringing Alex to Uganda, so there you have it; an easy way to lend a hand. Not to mention the possible overflow onto the orphanage.

Thanks for reading. That was really long. But I wanted to make all of you aware of this fast approaching trip! And thank you for donating and especially for those who are committed to pray for me. I need much wisdom and also a truckload of protection and endurance.

Love you guys!

A LETTER FROM KENYA!

Eight year old Elizabeth sent me some incredible photos the last time she wrote to me. Go HERE if you missed that picture-filled post!

My "dream-come-true-trip" to Kenya took place in March of this year and this latest letter from Elizabeth was written just a week after we spent the day together, along with nine year old Mary and ten year old Naituati.

Here are some of my favorite lines from her letter. And I must say, this little girl has better handwriting than me and churns out impressive sentences for a second grader writing in her second or third language. (First comes the language of her tribe, then Kiswahili, followed by English.)

"I was so happy when I met you face to face. So happy even words cannot express my joy!"

The feeling is mutual, sweet girl. Your smile from that day is imprinted on my heart. All I have to do is close my eyes and go back to when the Compassion staff ushered you out of the crowd of children and into my arms. You were so brave! And infinitely more beautiful than your serious Compassion photo let on.

"I thank you for the visit...and for the gifts, support and letters. I still have my doll and I gave her the name Mercy."
My mother, who shares your name, found that doll for you. I could tell from your reaction that you loved that doll more than anything. And I just love the name you gave her!

"I really like the white dress you gave to me."

You mean this one? That was my favorite dress out of all the ones I stuffed into your bag of gifts. I don't think I could have fit one more pencil or pair of socks without some serious zipper damage! I imagine you look so beautiful in that dress.

"My brother George likes his ball and my mother likes the shawl."

 Hmmmm....I definitely remember the ball for George, but am drawing a blank on the "shawl". Maybe you are talking about the zebra stripped blanket? That would look just lovely as a shawl for your mother. (Or maybe she used the butterfly bed sheet?)

"Do you still remember the Kiswahili name for crocodile?"

I love it when you ask me questions and I think I DO remember the name of those crocs! Was it MAMBA? They were so big lurking there in the water at the park and there were so many of them!

 "I enjoyed walking with you."

That had to be my favorite part of our time together, Elizabeth. Having all three of my girls with your hands in mine as we made our way around the paths of the park.

"How is your son Caleb doing? I always pray for him to recover."

I remember when I showed you the pictures of Caleb when he was so sick and thin in the hospital, and you said, "I'm so sorry." And then I pointed out how healthy and big he is now and that smile of yours reappeared.
I love to know that you care enough to pray for Caleb and that he is covered from the other side of the world!

"My journey back home was safe and I found our home was full of joy and we all praised the Lord."

(I was told by her social worker that when a child gets a visit from their sponsor, a rare occurrence, the child is viewed as a celebrity by their village and are the "talk of the town" for a long time afterward.)

Enclosed in this letter was a picture that Elizabeth colored for me. I think I recognize this page from a coloring book I had given to her little brother. I love it!

Naomy

This is the story of Naomy.....a little girl who leaped from the Compassion website straight into my heart....and who eventually ended up in my arms..

 

  This was her photo on the Compassion website and when I saw her my heart stopped. It really did. I could not continue my casual browsing of waiting children. I loved her instantly and at the same time knew that she did not belong to me. There was no escaping the urgency I felt to find her a sponsor. I had never had such a strong sense that a child needed rescued and have not had it at the same level since. I lost sleep over her and her face and name interrupted  my brain space constantly.

  I posted her little slouched being on Facebook.

  Her sponsor stepped forward.

  You can read the full story that I published back in February called  A Fourth Girl .

  Come with me now to Kenya, Africa to the very last day of my stay there. It had been a very full week on this tour with Compassion and my senses were on overload. So many life changing moments happened in the space of a few days. I couldn't keep up with it all and I was so afraid of losing all of those small but significant details.

  I woke up early on that Wednesday morning, (or was it a Tuesday?) already exhausted but running on a huge adrenaline high. Today was my day to meet the little girl who God dropped like a beached whale on my little path called life. There was no going around her. And I was anxious to lay eyes on Naomy and hopefully discover why God was so intent on setting her before me.

  My Compassion escort and driver picked me up at the hotel in Nairobi and we set out for a four hour drive into a land that was eerily remote and yet comfortingly beautiful at the same time. My eyes were fixed on the scenes racing by outside the car window.

  We stopped at a bustling little market to purchase food and supplies for Naomy's family. My white skin and fly-away hair drew lots of attention and I didn't have to wonder why it felt like I was being watched. The children either stared or clutched their mother's skirts and hid their face when I walked by. I stared at them too, because I thought they were so stinking cute and I had a hard time focusing on the task at hand.

  Thankfully my escort knew exactly what to buy, and after we settled on an amount, I simply followed behind while he dropped item after item into the basket. Salt, sugar, soap, ugali (cornmeal), tea, beans, matches, lard, vaseline and some cookies for a real treat.

  We arrived at Naomy's Compassion project and they took me to her right away. She was understandably shy and she kept her head down more than up, but her eyes were full of curiosity and wonder. Here was this white woman from across the world representing her new Compassion sponsor, here to see HER.

  I pulled a gift out my bag right away, wanting us to have something to do besides stare at each other. I handed her a soft, cloth doll and she smiled!









   The temperature there had to be over 100 degrees. Notice that Naomy is wearing a sweater! Her Compassion assigned social worker helped her peel it off eventually while I had nothing left to peel off without creating a scene.
  Hot.
  Boy was it hot.







Here you can watch Naomy in real time, nibbling on a cookie while the adults talk to her in Kiswahili. She looks to be suppressing a smile here and there. Those smiles would eventually emerge later on in our day together.

 We had tea, a Kenyan custom I was well acquainted with by now....

 ...while Naomy's mother watched me like a hawk. This look she was giving me felt like a death wish and I was wondering if she thought I was here to take her child back with me to America.

The Compassion staff brought out Naomy's records that they keep on each of their sponsored children and it was so interesting to look through them. Recorded there were the gifts her family was able to purchase because of the extra donation her sponsor sent, as well as remarks from her teacher.

I pulled out some photos to show Naomy....

...while her mother apparently decided I was harmless and spent the next half hour playing with Naomy's new doll.

The Compassion staff stood before me and expressed how honored they were to have me there, their very first visitor from one of their children's sponsors. They had me write my name and description into a notebook and then proceeded to tell me that we would now head for the playground where they wished to plant a tree in my honor.

It makes me smile to know that there is a fruit tree in all of Africa with a little bit of me to go with it. The staff said that the tree would produce fruit and that the Compassion children would eat it and remember the day I came to their project. I hope the tree lived. It looks rather small and vulnerable there in the African sun. I was ready to stick my head in that hole by that point.

A tour of the project followed the tree planting ceremony. This is the "kitchen" they use to cook meals for well over a hundred sponsored children who are living in extreme poverty. A nutritious meal for these kids is hard to come by and Compassion includes all aspects of a child's development physically, spiritually, socially, and economically.

Water is scarce and here is this project's attempt at preserving every bit of rain that falls from the sky.

Naomy led us into one of her classrooms....

...and then lit up the room with her smile...

We all piled into vehicles and headed for Naomy's home. The drive seemed to take forever and I couldn't imagine how Naomy got from her house to the Compassion project. They told me that she walked. She rose early in the morning, met up with other children and walked two hours one way. She is only seven years old.

When we pulled to a stop and got out of the car, we walked up a dusty hill and then down another into Naomy's compound. I remember whispering under my breath, "Oh my God....."
Here was a family of around twelve people living in conditions that made my head spin. It was hard for me to grasp. To know that these were not pictures in a magazine or even on TV. These were real people living with just the most basic necessities to live from one day to the next.

I was introduced to her family members and they were all smiling and talking and Naomy seemed much more at ease with me now that she was on her own turf. I unloaded the bags of gifts her sponsor had sent with me, while she was home in America sitting by the computer waiting for me to post "Mission Accomplished". 

Here Naomy is showing me the letter she received from her new sponsor!

This day also just "happened" to be Naomy's seventh birthday and I came prepared! Birthdays are rarely celebrated by families living in poverty, but the special day is always recognized at the Compassion project. I unwrapped the heavy cake I had purchased in Nairobi, opened a can of vanilla frosting that traveled all the way from Maryland and a dagger-like knife was brought from one of the huts of the family. I added colored sprinkles from home, placed seven twisty candles which refused to light, and they all oohed and ahhed and clapped over this magnificent birthday cake. I cut it and Naomy proudly delivered a piece to each family member (which took a looong time). I went to hand her a piece at last and she shook her head no and pushed it towards me. The translator explained that Naomy wanted me to eat a piece first before she had hers.

Without me asking, they brought out the brand-new mattress they had purchased the day before I arrived, with the money from her sponsor.

This is where the mattress will go once it is unwrapped, and believe me, it will be shared with her little sister and several cousins who all share this small space to sleep.

I was also introduced to her new goat, a gift from her sponsor. It was obviously the pride of the family and I marveled at the difference a family gift can make in the life of their sponsored child.

I had a flight to catch that evening back in Nairobi, so our day together was brought to a close. We traveled together back to the project where we washed up and had one final meal.

I felt like the luckiest, richest person on the planet, having spent the day with Naomy and her loving family. What a huge gift, to be able to step into their world and talk, eat and walk hand in hand with her. I will never forget it.

Here is another little girl, much like Naomy, who is waiting for you to step into her life and change her story through sponsorship. Her name is Naeku Emily and she is eight years old. She lives with her mother and six siblings in Kenya and she loves to sing and run! She is ABOVE average in school and has been waiting 246 days for YOU. She lives in an aids infected area with a high risk of exploitation and abuse and the average wage is 20 dollars a month.. You don't have to travel to Kenya to make a difference in her life. Sponsor her today and she will begin to know that she is loved....chosen.....prayed for......seen.

 Choose Naeku Emily to be your Compassion sponsored child. Follow the link and instructions on the website, and then let me know of your commitment to this needy girl! You can also email me at boothbayharborgirl@yahoo.com with any questions you might have.